Idk

The thing is broken people seem to have disconnections and delusions. I too have one of them. Well, mine can be removed in certain conditions so its fine. However, most people seem to live with the delusion. One of the main delusion is that when I'm weak I don't have anyone to rely on. Personally I don't need anyone ok with it. However, a lot of people seem to have insecurities. The problem is these people live with this delusion even though there is proof that someone does care for them. I am the person that breaks this proof. Even though my existence becomes proof that someone will be there for them, it seems to not help. They live with the delusion.

Another delusion is never having a lasting interpersonal relationship. This is one thing I'm suffering from. Well, I do have a lot of inter personal relationships. However, the problem is I distance myself at a certain point without noticing. Idk. I'm too busy with school. But, it is getting more miserable. I do realize how I can break it though. Its completely possible.

Also, I've re-evaluated my self confidence. I believed I have no self confidence. However, I've done some tests online and I found myself to be extremely confident. No wonder people told me I look like a professional business man. I guess judging one's self confidence is subjective and relative. I mean its just that I don't love myself, but I trust myself completely. No matter what people say, I trust the choices I make in life. Its why I do everything differently from how other people do it. I value what I think it right. Even if my behaviors are irrational, I believe its rational to me.

I don't know what to do. The thing is I already know God sucks at giving care. I mean God is something that people use to create love externally. Its just that people sometimes need something physical.

Fk.. I wish I knew, how to fix people. Everyone is so broken. Some are more broken than others. Idk...fk

Man I'm so busy..

America is so messed up. Westernization fked Korea up too. I'm going hide myself so I can keep my purity.fkkkkkk this world is so messed up.

So much going in my head. Man... I need to prepare properly and come back to America. Idk if I will but I think its a goal. I just want to know my potential if I decide to do something. Idk its a family DNA thing. I have a feeling my kids are going to do the same fml. They'll probably hate me and try to surpass me.


FK....