gibberish

my expectation of caring for others is quite simple. I just want them to care about others. Spread the love. I don't know if I helped someone, and the other person helps another person. Life would be better. I know its a bit over idealistic. It doesn't happen often.

Like few days ago, I spent money on someone who lacked money. Idk.. few days later, I asked her if she could just get a job. Then she can get a decent job and get around 70k a year. That is a lot compared to what my parents get. My dad gets around 20k when he started his job. Life was not that great back then. We didn't have a place to live and etc. I mean its all back then so I really don't care. We have enough now. Even enough to give to others. But the thing is this person told me its not enough. She wants a sports car and burberry coats. Idk........

Usually what happens to people who have starved before is that they can't ignore people who starved. Its how it works. I wish she did the same. show kindness to those who aren't as wealthy, not waste everything on herself.

I'm not giving because I'm rich.


btw those who are looking for fake friends and popularity. Its really easy actually. Just spend a lot on yourself. Pretend to be happy and people will follow. Its just how it works. A lot of people will take interest and try to join your life. Obviously when they realize you're not as happy as they think you are, they'll leave.


If you use this you can actually make a lot of money. Well, its called cheating but pepole do it anyways. Just spend a lot on yourself. Tell that selling this product gives you wealth fast and easy. make them sellers. Keep spending on yourself and tell everyone how happy you are.

Humans will get curious of how you make money fast and easy. They'll join the boat. But in reality, they're not earning anything.

Idk...


Its how it is. Even I was attracted to a happy person. Well, I just wanted to know how to be happy. The problem is she faked it... She was one of those miserable people. fml.. The problem is I could never make her happy... man when this happens is fking sad.. fml Idk I suck...................The problem is when I see a happy person, I want the person to be happy when she leaves. It feels wrong, for the person to leave sad. It feels like its my fault. fml. This actually is due to lack of self confidence but the problem is its hard to have self confidence, living as a minority, family problems and etc. The good thing is I believe in myself FK YEAH. That is the main thing. Plus, my outer-self is fearless. fml......... Idk its so stupid. I'm scared of deep water. I'll jump in. I'm scared of heights, I'll do it. I'm scared of bullies, I'll annoy them. fmlfmlfmflmflmflmflfml. I'm screwed. Idk I make too much trouble. fml......... oh well. too bad.

There is one thing I have to take note of. NEVER talk to old people. I keep asking them why do they live.... Its not like I'm asking them to die. Its just that I'm curious, but the problem is I say this happily. You know with a smile. FML FML FMLASDFDASFASFASF Its kind of why my grandma hates me. Every time I visit her I tell her oh shit your still alive?  ASFASDFDASFASFa

Idk... I should stop that but idk..................man...... I'm going to feel guilty............


I actually enjoy life as long as I can laugh. Find something funny. Its just that its been harder to find something funny. Funny people are harder to find as I'm funnier than most people. tv shows are repetitive  Well, I guess. I'm boring too after a while. I guess life is suppose to be boring.

Note to myself. I'm going to raise my child in a hut in one of those ghetto areas. Never buying him stuff. I'll buy him a computer but that's it. nothing else. I think he should go through bullying and etc. Its good for him. Only in college I'll spoil him. I'm going to spoil him so badly omg. He'll be like WTF DAD. Idk its better to learn it the hard way. Experiences help.

But one thing is I wish he didn't care about others. Well, Idk. Thinking about what others think goes two ways. It can be harmful and helpful. It is helpful in helping others. You are aware of the situation the other person is going through. However, if you care about what others think of you, you'll constantly be miserable. Its how it is. I don't mind misery so I'm fine. Well, I am emo. I just never admit it and always fought depression.

Idk... what can i do about anything? I loose friends like you gamble away your money. Its been long since I started tobelieve I'm a being meant to live alone. Idk I can't help it. My personality is unattractive to girls anyways. Well, the subconscious part of my personality. Idk I enjoy it to an extent. idk its just that Korea is a really bad place to be alone XD fml... people keep staring at you like you're some freak. Its just that I'm too used to doing everything alone. ok? Its not like I don't have friends. I just want to eat tasty food alone with music. Idk music is so good. It excludes me from everyone. I don't have to care. Unless someone is dying. I'll probably remove my headphones then. But, if that doesn't happen.... I'll live in my world. Its such a nice world. I should stop dancing without noticing though XD XD XD
fmlfmlfml.

Oh well.


I wonder too much.

I wish I could make that person who I met online happy. Idk its too early for her to give up. Idk she can't hurt me so its fine. Only my mom can hurt me. She is really good at it. My dad? he is nice. He ignores me back then but its ok.... He'll probably do that again if I embarrass him. Idk fk him.

Its either I don't have a heart or I have a big heart. However, I do hate people that try to use me. Idk what am I. I hate being controlled. I do things for others. Idk I'll just stop questioning myself. Its too confusing. Its hard to understand. Idk... fml

Even people don't understand me. I get hated for being nice. wtf.... Its because they went through some shit in the past where someone pretended to be nice and fked them up in the past.

fml fml fml

idk what to do with myself. ...................................................

idk fkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

whatever. My dad told me to be nice to people for some reason. He lived long enough he knows something. He probably said that because he thinks I'm not good at making friends -.- fml....... Idk maybe he knows something. Idk... he is stupid and smart. I'm stupid and smart too fml.... Idkk just do what I feel like.

Man this semester is very busy........ I need to sleep way less.