I keep exploring my inner self but I don't realize why I am this way. Maybe its because I gave up. Maybe its because of guilt. Maybe its because I was born this way. Maybe its a habit. Maybe I'm just depressed. So, I have a lot of empathy. There are studies showing that depressed people tend to have a lot more empathy. However, I was always depressed. I can't help it. The good thing is my carefree attitude helps :). Idk I'm actually depressed at certain moments. I think its because I'm studying something that I do not enjoy. Idk, I don't mind studying in general.
I don't even feel pride. I don't even benefit. I don't even get a self confidence boost. Its more like I felt their misery before and I had to go through it alone. It really wasn't fun doing it alone. Another thing is I expected to fall in love with a person who do things for others because shit happens to others. This characteristic is incredibly hard to find. Actually impossible to find. Someone that would reach out. That is why I can't get married FML. Idk this is all because of trust issues. Fml. When I have kids, I going to do the same thing to them. So that they have this issue. I'll ask them if they found the solution XD XD XD. Man... I'm going to prank my kids so much. They're going to hate me yeah! Idk its actually more fun to hate things than love. Idk. So much fun. Maybe I should start making a list of pranks I want to do to my kids.... I feel like I'm going to torture them XD XD XD. Idk The thought of having kids actually makes me happy. IDK I bet they're going to be retards like me XD XD XD
I wonder if God will every reward me.? Reward me with what? I don't even want to go to heaven. I swore to God I'll go to hell no matter what. Its too boring up there. I wonder what made me this way. Idk my minds fucked up.
I know life is hard when you are going through your time of struggles. That is why I want to give support. I just hope people do their best to get through. Does it help? Idk.. I hate people destroying themselves.
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