Bullying is Bullsh*t

I guess this is what I'm going through most of the time. It really is hard get yourself out of it. Especially you weren't bullied in just school. When your both bullied at a school as well as by your parents, its really hard to believe in yourself. It really brainwashes you to stop believing in yourself.

This is the real reason why I'm a bit more negative than a lot of people. Now I talk about bullying as if its a joke and as of now, nobody can bully me because I'm physically stronger than them. I might as well talk about the psychological state on this blog post. The world is just dark. You hate to go to school, you hate every break you get in school, you hate the way to and back to school. Those are the intervals when bullies try to get you. My way of adapting to the situation was just keep it low and just avoid. Fighting back wasn't a choice because I did not want my parents involved in this. I'll cause pain for my parents and I'll also receive peer rejection. From observation of people who were bullied and if their parents got involved, the bullied kid was ignored by the whole classmates. Asking for help also was not a option. I was new to school and I barely know anyone in Korea. I could ask the teacher for help but then again by asking for help, I become the special child. I wouldn't be able to fit in with everyone.

So, basically, I just kept it to myself and tried my best to fit in school. Eventually I did fit in. The problem during the process, I've thought about killing myself many times. Every bridge I see or subway that pass by it was a choice for me. I could choose to live or die. But, then again, I would just imagine the process of dying and how painful it would be. I also thought about how I'll be causing pain for my parents. My way of coping with this was to just stop caring about myself mentally. That is why I became selfless.

I can't be happy, but then nobody can hurt me mentally.

However, thankfully I still do enjoy making people laugh. Sadly, when it comes to expressing negativity towards something, I hurt myself mentally. Since I cannot forward it others.

One thing I noticed about bullying campaign. They don't realize adults aren't the only people that can help. Students should be educated to help peers who are bullied. Adults helping works negatively but peers helping does actually work. Well, for my children, I'll teach them that they should care for others who are being bullied.

Its quite funny how I used to always be the one that help new comers to school adapt into the school.