sick

lost my voice lol and was writing a 10 page essay coughing. It took me a lot longer than i expected. I mean its so fking hard to search up things when you're restless.

 The concepts of fighting this depression is very easy. I have to live the present and build the future. But the problem is humans want to remember the pain, so that you would never make the same mistake again. I guess this is why I'm so careful when I meet a person for a second time. I also have to keep telling myself I am able to do things. But, the problem is that I am easily disappointed in myself. Small mistakes would make me realize I cannot do things. Another thing is I have to stop being serious. It was one of my mechanism of living alone. When I say alone, I'm talking about completely alone. Well, the problem is I have to be serious when I study. Thus, every time I study, the pain comes back. To begin with the school I go to is a symbol of how my parents control me.