Its so hard to get up.

I keep telling myself I'm good now. I'm better now. I understand everything. I'll get back up now. I'll go back to my normal routine.

Yet, it seems I am never able to go back to my normal routine. Being mentally broken and trying to study is quite insanely hard.

I'm actually having trouble saying good byes and seeing people for the second time. Its too much for some reason. Its just that its too hard to believe I can see someone for a second time. Its just not normal for me. When we make friends and say good bye. We're not suppose to see them again. Then, I see them again, I don't know how to react. I'm not used to this. I'm scared my expectation would increase. Increase to believe that it would be a lasting relationship. I have to kill that expectation. Keep telling myself this person would never again appear in my life. Just keep telling myself that. So, I won't hurt myself when I do never see that person again.

sexy dance your way through life alone. Its also time to face my fears.