I can't read

I can barely read. I keep telling myself I read this chapter but I end up never finishing. I wonder whats wrong with me. fml. I just have to keep telling myself I can read. I feel like a retard. I feel like I'm going through rehab.

I didin't realize I would be this broken.

The thing is. I've never had people last. It was normal for me to lose relationship with people within a year or two. Its just that I believed this single person would last. I guess it was everything I wanted. It gave me a sense of belonging.

Well... I guess its normal for me to be broken. I never believed someone would last. Never. I also realized this would be the reason I'll never fall in love. Pretty faces, bright personalities, nice bodies seem to not attract me. Because they'll disappear.

I did realize that people who live in a single environment would somewhat understand the feeling I have. Well, the idea of not lasting. They have this kind of feeling when they have break ups. However, they end up missing that significant person. They can relate to me in this sense, but I've most hundreds of people, not single digit numbers. Also, like I said never miss people. Missing people is pointless. The moment you see the person for the second time, you only get disappointed. Because when you miss someone, you expect a lot from that person. You idealize them to whatever you miss. The guy or girl is imperfect but you'll remember them as perfect beings.

Yeah definitely I'm not well. I guess readers would have to deal with more of these posts until I get better since blogging is for myself. Its a small world I've created where I can be myself. Express my thoughts although they may not be sexy.

Sometimes I wish I isolated myself completely, so I do not have to tear apart relationships. I'll never end up hurting. I wish there was someone that would last. So I do not have to be restless. lol. Facebook is the only way to stay connected. The moment I deactivate my facebook, I loose whatever relationship I have.

Well.. Another problem is I've known people for too long. It will hurt me more. I tried my best to distance myself but I'm only human. Humans are social animals.

Sometimes I wish I was a robot. Or I actually didn't mind studying so I can use it as a means of escape.