Taking Control

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go." - Dr. Seuss

He is right. No matter how controlled you are its ultimately you who has control of your life. I mean if you don't just make the best of it. Just get  stronger if you don't have control of your life. The more power you have, the more control of your life you have. Power... its a very broad term. What is power? What gives an individual power? I guess its knowledge. In my case, computer knowledge. Its actually insanely hard to be motivated as a nihilist. There is not necessarily a point in anything. Nothing matters. But, for some reason I still push myself. Yes I do suck at programming, due to the fear of failing. Well, I realized that and found that I need to learn from mistakes. Make tons of mistakes and just learn from all of them. Just fuck the consequences. I guess the only real motivation for myself is getting pissed off at myself for being dumb huh... lol

I'm actually happy that I know what to do technically. This time I'm going to be fully prepared for grad school.  I mean I can't go into a respectable grad school but I'll just do my best in whichever I get into. 

No I'm not a pessimist. I'm just a nihilist. Its just that I forgot that I had to do it myself. I won't give up on anything.

ps.SoonJae Thanks for making me crave for banana americano.