parents;

I get too stressed when my parents ask why I failed. To be honest, they should ask what they have done wrong first before asking me the question. I have gave up control of my life to bring them satisfaction by living their lives. I lacked motivation. I wish they knew what it is like to wake up and the facility you resident in reminds you that you are nothing but a puppet. Well, then again, I may be expecting too much from my parents. I mean, my dad used to tell me just pretend you're dead and study. I wonder if its the same for other Koreans. In my opinion, my parents are still living in the past, where nobody had the luxury to consider themselves "living." On the other hand, it might be my fault for living. After giving up on my life, they've been making me guilty. They keep telling me they are doing something for me. They are sacrificing such and such for me. In reality, not really. I've ask for a logical explanation of how does their action benefit me. They couldn't give me a logical explanation and stopped using such excuse. Aside from that mom has been dumps worries on me. It made me really insecure. College was just really stressful. Coming home wasn't comfortable at all. Everything was messy and the house was tiny. Not having a sofa, car, and air-conditioning is pretty demoralizing. Even money was a problem. I wanted to go see a psychiatrist, but my mom was so discouraging because of the cost. Made me feel ever so worthless because it doesn't even cost much. I just blew up after. I mean, there was no reward for hard work and trying my best for them. No vacations, no compliments, no amazing job since I'm not a citizen, no nice house and no control of my life. I just had a hard time in college. There is no point in arguing though. They'll always say dad is sick. With that statement everything isn't their fault. 

I just want to be violent sometimes. I want to release my anger instead of imploding it inside. But, I can't. Mental stability probably would never happen. Well, that kills all my motivation I had for today. This fucking sucks. I just don't understand why they have to keep doing damage.