Yeah caring freaking hurts like hell. Well, the pain is reduced a lot because of the fact that I tried hard to not expect anything in return but it still hurts when love is not returned, especially when you're hyper sensitive. Being a philanthropist which someone has told me, the pain is reduced again. So... its weird.

Factors such as 

*Not expecting anything in return 

*Not caring about myself

*Being philanthropist 

Reduces the pain

Factors such as 

*Trying too hard

*Self worthlessness

*Belief of being unlovable 

Hurts 

But, really being a philanthropist helps a lot. I'm not sure if I became a philanthropist before I got hurt a lot or vice versa. Whatever, I'm too irrational. Quite unpredictable, impulsive, irrational and over empathetic. However, I am very self centered. This is stupid. FUCK. Analyzing myself should be stopped. 

Fuck I wonder how Koreans are so rich. I don't get it. Average Korean income is around 1.5k at the start. They get cars, clothes, pets and etc. WTF... Idk life is weird. Whereas we have a lot of people spending like crazy. There are those people who spend very conservative. Like last time, I went to buy earphones. I'm a headphone guy so I don't look for higher end earphones. But, I saw some guy purchase something, I don't remember but it was something like headphones. He was buying it by dividing the pay by months. It was depressing. Man life is so depressing. 

Man... I'm suppose to care about myself more fuck. Preferably only about myself. But fuck it this one person is fucking stuck on my head. 

Yeah I'm just dumb as fuck... Thats it. lol. Whatever. Just focus on myself this single year.

Just keep smiling. And whatever, Idk fuck just keep studying and maybe I'll be something.

lol WTF someone is giving away a puppy online WTF I want it but... its like 6 hours away lol