I wish the doctor could fix me. I don't know anything anymore. I understand a lot, but its to the point where it hurts my brain. Somethings are meant to be unseen, not understood. People say just see things as it is, but no... there is too many things happening underneath. Maybe its because something that I didn't calculate happened in my life. I'm not smart nor good at focusing. I'm just good at planning. If you plan out everything in every possible way, no matter how many times you fail, you can only win. Because you can always take the other route. However, you suffer a lot in this mentality. You prepare for the worst. Such as sudden death, lost of finance and mishaps. It implants unnecessary fear into your brain. It protects you because your already mentally prepared for the worst. However, its very tiring. You just imagine everything as the worst.
Idk. How can I stop. I'm kind of happy though. I have people that I can sort of trust. I don't know its not full trust, but I'll say for sure somewhat trust. Thin line of trust. Its something very rare and important. Something that I would treasure forever. Well, I don't know how long it would last but I'll just remember the feeling.
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