Its a drama about a cute guy who is selfless. Protects the weak, takes blame for things that he never did, and etc. Basically full of self sacrifices. Reminds me of myself a lot. So, from the drama I realized how shitty life is. Being self sacrificing hurts my brain a lot. You already know you're not going to benefit from the action. Its clear. But you have to do it because its the right thing to do. Forced to. You ask yourself why am I doing this. Even if it affects my future. The biggest problem is those people who try to use you. Ask you and demand you to do things. I hate when people try to put me on a leash. I just hate hit so much, it brings out so much negativity. Most times I refuse, but still it annoys me a lot. I don't mind give and take. However, if they disrespect me, I want to punch them. I already on a leash by God. I can't Moreover, no matter how much you love depressed people, they'll never be happy. Its a given. The amount of love I gave out to those who needed it drained me completely. I didn't know love was limited. I thought the heart can regenerate love without depleting it. I guess that is the difference between me and God. He never exhausts himself. However, another difference between him and I is that mines are done by action not words. The similarity between the main character and I are that we both hate God. Hate God to our guts. He keeps punishing me but wouldn't offer us death. Its not that I want to die. I'm not suppose to exist. A guy who doesn't smoke, drink, gamble, care about others, take other people's punishments, and self sacrifice. lol The main character his pretty damn pessimistic. I guess its normal. If you're too positive, you see things negative. Idk I wish God will just kill me already lol. Compared to a lot of people, my future is bright. However, happiness doesn't follow. My mindset is very fked up at the moment. Its probably is because nobody understands me. Even I can't understand myself nor my behaviors.
I don't know. I want to live in a cave. So, I can't see sad people.Nor those people with hidden intentions. I hate those people with hidden intentions. I'm too lazy to hide myself. If I do hide myself, I have to hide my niceness because people take advantage of it.
After I go back to Korea. I'm to go back to being the bottom of society. The Korean military is pretty funny. Its really about how wealthy you are, even if there isn't suppose to be any social class. I'll go to the hardest one where none of the middle upper class people go to. I need to acquire the ability to see things from below like I used to. I forgot about it because I've been heading towards the top, moving forward. Idk people are nice to you when you're up there. I'm probably going to get a lot of hate from the people in the military for being different or being spoiled. I want to see how much I developed. Its always better to see both sides of the world.
Most people only try to see the beauty of the world. I want to see the insides of the world. How the gold coating is all a distraction of the inner dirtiness. btw. Korea is a very good example of gold coating. Korea is too clean. Idk just live life quietly and pass away. me and my friend was talking about not having kids. They have to go through too much shit.
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