I usually think I have pretty good parents. I just tell people they're good people unless I cause problems. I just hate it when I do cause problems. I just hate what they tell me. Yelling at me isn't going to help me in any particular way. I already know I'm a pile of shit. Thanks for reminding me. I don't know.. some people have anger issues. Like they would get all angry and spew out all these nasty words. Then they'll forget what they did or said after the spike. Well, I, on the other hand, am just negative over all. I guess its because I don't get to express anger. Anyways the things these type of people say is pretty harsh. "you're retarded", "go die", "quit school." It fucking hurts. I mean I'm sensitive to rejection. If you keep switching cultures, some cultures rejects the other. Many times, I've been rejected for having a different culture and have been punished. Being rejected by family is just… painful. Well, today was one of those days. I got a rejection mail from one of the few universities I'm applying. I don't know… Korean graduate school applications a bit weird. You have to contact the professors and talk about getting a spot? I just don't understand how that works. Maybe its my gpa. I mean it is pretty low. I hoped my research experience would cover the fault. I guess it didn't. Oh well. I need to apply to another school tomorrow. I don't know…. fuck me for having my tck grieving and emotional connection. I kind of realized this but I'm kind of emotionally/psychologically dependent on Ritalin. I don't know I really don't have a lot of good things happening. It kind of represent hope lol.
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