climb the mountain;

Today was an interesting day. I wanted to go to the library to study because my room was too messy. I have books here and there on the floor. I’m only neat when I’m not doing anything brain stimulating. When I have something to do or study, I really don’t give a fuck about anything. My roommates know how dirty my room could be. I mean it took a full day to clean up everything because I would just dump everything on the floor. My mother told me to climb the mountain to get to the city instead of taking a dollar bus. I have no idea why she insisted I do so but I did it anyways. I hate walking uphill, but I did it anyways. As I got closer to the top, I realized that my mother didn’t consider my hefty backpack. I usually pack loads on my bag. So, the climb was a mini torture for the day. But the real problem came when I got to the top. I did not know the correct way down the mountain to get to the library. Thus, I took a gamble. It was either left or right. Sadly, goddess of luck was not on my side. I took the right and I was lost. Well, more like didn’t know where I was going. In the end, after constant cursing and swearing, I got out of the mountain and found myself few minutes far from my house. So I strayed far from my destination and had to take another long ass walk to the city. I got there eventually. Got a cup of burger king coffee. Its actually really cheap. 1 dollar for a cup. Although a lot of university students complain about the college tuition in Korea. I see loads of college people in cafes, drinking their 4 to 5 dollar coffee. I got my coffee and called my mother and told her about it. This is the second time I wasted so much time trying to find a place to study. Last time my parents suggested that I go to the huge ass library somewhere far and when I got there it was really uncomfortable and took a lot of time getting there. I reached the library, but it close within 20 min. So, I just wasted too much time for something unfruitful. I ended up going to mcD to study. Its actually not that bad. It is a lot better than studying at the convenience store in front of my house.  I mean the convenience store is pretty cozy but the smell of ramen is really irritating. Plus where am I going to get a place to study for a dollar? Well I ended up spending a bit more on drinks. I was pretty productive for the few hours in mcD. It might be because I took Ritalin. Of course after 3 to 4 hours, I feel extremely exhausted. God, I need to study loads because I get too insecure in America to the point where I cannot study. People get the wrong idea of myself being pretty confident in living in other country because my dad is an expat. But I’m really insecure overall. I mean too much pressure. If you take another semester, you’re draining your parents’ money. If you become not useful, people are going to look down on you for wasting money. Especially, for a tck to survive in their own country, you really have to be useful. I mean usually people who you just met aren’t as important as people you’ve known for a long time. I will always be that person who you’ve just met. I’ve been useless before. Life was pretty harsh. I don’t know people get jealous if you studied abroad and are mean. They have these really unrealistic expectations of living abroad. I blame the media. Like how other countries see Korean dramas and expect Koreans to live in those kinds of worlds, Koreans look at foreign movies and have these unrealistic worlds I guess. Back to reality, I guy refused my 100 won. 100 won is pretty much like a quarter.  The guy wanted to buy a soda but lacked 100 won. A soda cost 1000 won, which is like a dollar. I had 900 won so I was texting my friend that I didn’t have 100 won to get a soda. I ended up using my debit card. I couldn’t use my 900 won so I was going to give 100 won to this guy and he refused. I just don’t understand. I would have taken a 100 won if someone offered me and said thank you. I wonder why he refused. It bugs me. Either it could be because he didn’t want to take money from a kid or he didn’t want to give inconvenience… But, its like 100 won… I’m just baffled. Well, whatever. Economics told me people are rational. Well, a lot of people showed, it has a lot of uncertainties. I mean I met a lot of selfish people but I’ve also met a lot of selfless people. Economics must not consider some aspects of life. I should get back home. Ritalin is wearing off and its making me extremely tired.