Friday, March 22, 2013
Depression
- Live in the future
- Create cycles
- Isolated from people
- Care a lot
- "Never good enough"
- Unstable relationship with parents
- Bad Childhood
- Bad sensitivity management
i.e. People are suppose to experience death of their grand parents then their parents. It reduces the sensitivity because they've been exposed to it. But, experiencing parents' dead before the grandparents will cause issues.
its really about the order how things occur.
- Hating yourself
I'll do anything to get out of this. The problem is I'm really bad at showing I'm not feeling good. I'm too used to presenting to others the happier self. Like when I had the chicken pox, I acted so normal that the doctor thought it was a bug bite. Obviously since it was treated late, I had to go through the worst of the chicken pox. My friend told me, who is also depressed, that in the future we'll both be better... He doesn't understand we're going to be the same after years, unless we know how to be happy now. He thinks a marriage would solve our problem. It won't. I'm pretty sure of it. He doesn't see the picture. I tell him he needs to watch out for people. He talks about how he was careful of a girl from the streets who asked for donations. No... he doesn't realize the trust within is the real problem. How you're suppose to watch out for people you trust, because if you never trusted someone from the start you'll never be hurt, but if you trusted someone, then you'll get hurt. I don't know.. he kind of worries me. I mean his best friend is only using him. It doesn't matter if tell him or not, he is just blinded. I hate when people become blinded. So was I blinded. It was my first time. I could not help myself I saw someone come alive from the dead. Nobody came out of the dead before. Man its getting harder to see people alive.
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oh your chicken pox story! Haha
ReplyDeleteSorry, your story made me laugh haha bout ur doctor!(please dont get offended)
I remember mine, I had that too when I was in elementary, its really sad that my mom pushes me to go to school a week after although I'm shy because of the marks and my classmates avoid me because of that. But that time I'm a bit loner(few friends). When I stepped in a public high school, I become independent and learned to accept the fact that I have to be friendly, then I had many friends and went crazy? =) It's like my confidence explode! ;)
- my weirdo past HAHA :))
trust? it is not gained easily it takes time.
People decides who will they trust. Everyone commits sin, nobody's perfect but there are people trying not be sinful. Continue to live, and look for the brighter tomorrow! =)
hahahah Yeah I had awful marks as well. Well it was fun staying at home watching tv XD. Oh I know most of the people in college. I'm not shy lol. Its just that I move too much that I can't do anything to stay connected with people ^^;;; So, most of the time I'm restless... Oh well... I need to settle down soon.
DeleteYeah trust will take a long time to build. I talked to my parents and they told me they'll try. They didn't know I was sensitive. Idk they told me they will try but usually they don't keep their words. Yup always look forward to tomorrow!
I had a time in my life when I isolated myself from frinds, family because I felt that they don't understand my feelings, and never appreciated what I've done for them, and instead, I received only critics. It was really hard for me to be alone, even I was surounded by people.But unfortunately, my mum had a surgery, and I believe that that thing happened only for me, because after that I became closer to them, and I can say that our relationship is much better now.
ReplyDelete"Unstable relationship with parents"...why? :D
Yeah its the same.. I only get critics about my attitude. lol. Yeah same thing happened, my dad nearly died. But, it kind of back fired. The problem is my parents are very old. So they believe in really old stuff like the only fun kids should have is sleeping... Or I should marry at age 30 with someone who is 10 years younger than me ^^;;;;... I want to live my life rather than my parent's so I fought a lot. After he almost died, I started obeying his orders that led to living his life, not mine. Thus, it led to greater demotivation. Idk... unsupportive as hell... Like I would tell them I want to do something and they'll say I shouldn't .. lol Oh unstable relationship because I don't know when death will happen. I mean after my parents die.. I'm kind of all alone in Korea. lol. Only one trustworthy friend and thats it. My mother's side relative would probably want to use me or take advantage of me. Its given from their behaviors. So much pressure. I need to show my relatives that I'm someone you can't push around. i have to figure how things work in Korea because I rarely know anything about how Korea works since I've only lived there for 8 years out of 22 years. Hmmm... Oh and I kind of don't trust people. http://www.asafeworldforwomen.org/children/c-asia-pacific/c-southkorea/1917-south-korea-bullying.html. A lot of kids who went through what I've been through kind of kill themselves ^^;; I mean I did go through that meat grinder every time I went to school in Korea so lol. Oh but I always managed to get popular in the end, but it still hurt a lot. So, I prefer not to get too close.
DeleteI hate this mentality. I need to change myself but its insanely hard;;;; Idk I guess I'm just a complainer. Actually I wanted to make my blog private so I don't bother the readers. Its just that every time I close the blog people ask to open it ^^;;; I'll get back to writing about Korea once I figure out enough. Actually I have a post on new york as well. Great place really. I probably recommend going to new york rather than seoul XD Seoul is a lot more safer and cleaner, but nyc is like home. I love all the tall buildings and the graffiti on the wall. lol. Korea is too cute.. fml...
Oh the girl that hurt me reminded me everything of the past. The past I never wanted to remember ^^;;;
Oh my...now I understand...and about trusting people...it's hard to trust someone in this world.or, I'd rather say...is someone in this world that you can trust nowadays? I don't believe that.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that you are a complainer.maybe, you're just a person who doesn't have anybody to talk, and decided to describe you're feeling here. :D One of my friends is in the same situation, she lost her mother 13 years ago, she's living now with her father and always tells me about her problems, and after that I see that she is relieved a little bit, but sometimes she's talking only about suicide, so in that situation I really don't know what to tell her, or how to encourage her. It's true that she made some mistakes in her past, and that thing still follows her... Yes, she slept with a married man, older than her with 14 years. He was her first boyfriend, but he only used her. 3 years later after they broke up, she's still in love with him, but...trust me....I never experieenced that and sometimes I really don't understand her and her choices.
Tell her if she has the courage to suicide make herself useful. Use that courage to do something that nobody would do. I mean to kill yourself... thats a lot of courage. Oh she still loves him because its how everyone is . She has attachment issues. That guy probably gave her the attachment she needed. Now, she should just find a new bf and it should be fine. Oh and some women have nurturing traits. a lot of guys take advantage of it...
DeleteHey go tell her to stop hating herself. Love herself and forgive herself. You have to keep telling her non-stop or else, she'll just be like me. Start looking at life as a hell hole lol. Oh and take care of yourself first because its draining. I mean listening to other people's problems is very draining. I don't mind it but I think you shouldn't do it because it doesn't really make you happy lol..
DeleteI'm actually doing decent. Its just my mental health that is a problem. Idk its normal for me to be restless everyday lol.
Ah...thanks for advice. My mom told me the same thing because every time when I came home after I met her, I was mentally down because she never listens to me. I really like to help others around me, and I appreciate that she feels free to share with me her problems.The thing is that she has a bf but he lives in Greece, she is in Romania and sometimes she really likes to complicate her life herself, and this is the thing that I don't understand.Today I'm gonna meet her and I'll talk to her seriously. :D
DeleteI'm back! :) today she was fine, but I talked to her and I hope that it worked. She listened to everything I said and approved, she's kind of hopeless type who sees a black future, but don't try to do anything to change it. I will hlp her to gain more self confidence...
Deleteoh read comment below
DeleteJust realize you can't expect to change them. Its going to be really tiring. It might take years. You have to be emotionally prepared. Realize you're going to be upset during the process. I'm very hopeless too but there is a reason to that actually. Expectations. If you expect things in life, and life doesn't meet its expectations, you'll be disappointed, and get hurt. So, what people do is, don't expect anything in life. Thus, be hopeless of people, life. Then, you appreciate life and etc. I really don't know what to say. I would rather have you go do something creative rather than talk about her problems. Do something fun so that she doesn't remember the past. Yeah its better to do something fun. To be honest, her boyfriend should take the leading role.
ReplyDeleteI really don't know the exact answer. The last time I got involved... it ruined my career ^^.. So, I'm warning you :S
I mean you are doing the right thing but... its a lot of work. Anyways good luck.
Yesss...true...but she always talks about the past and I told her to let it go. When she told me about her future plans she doesn't involve her bf too much...You're right...I'm not gonna say anything about this things to her. I thought about it for many times that something bad could happen if I get involved in her problems too much. She just needs a miracle, I guess... :D Thanks!!!
DeleteHmmm...I forgot to say something....It already became tiring because I told her the same things every time when she talked with me, but never listens to what I told her...that's her problem.I don't know how much does she remind today about what I told yesterday...This is it... I've tried...About the rest...it depends on her...I should not get involved in this anymore....
DeleteIdk just make her keep looking forward for tomorrow. Like for example, tell her next week you guys are going to go eat something good and etc. Make little things she'll look forward to. Then, she'll start looking for tomorrow and today rather than the past. After a while, she probably will make things she would want to look forward to by herself. The past can be forgotten. lol..
DeleteYeah if you do this you probably can cure her. I'm confident. Read some of the past posts. They were when I was very depressed. Its basically what she would be going through. Cycles. I managed to break it because in order to take care of others, I can't be in the cycle.
Dude you're a really nice person.
LOL Yeah I told you. Idk you have no obligation to help her. Its not your fault. I know how it feels like. Idk I do it often. Read some posts back. Its all about taking care of people lol. I kind of understand why therapists are usually depressed.
Deleteok, I'll read them when I have some time :D
ReplyDeleteWell...I read some of your posts...I really liked those posts about Korea. The ones about your depression...hmm...I really don't know what to say...it's sad... :D I heard this morning on radio about North Korea and their preparations for fighting...What's going on between both Koreas? I never understood that.... :D
ReplyDeleteI think they're just bored. lol.
Delete